Cold, rainy day. A fisherman is squatting at the river for an hour and goes back home earlier than anticipated. His wife is still sleeping. He sneaks into bad quietly, so to not to wake her up.

-          Is that you? – she mumbles.

-          Aha

-          And my schmuck went fishing in this cold…

 ***

A man is coming back from a business trip.

There is no one under bad, and in the closet, and in the bathroom.

He goes to his wife and gently says to her:

-          You are getting old, darling!

 ***

Two doctors talking:

-          Did you hear, John got fired?

-          Why?

-          He slept with a patient.

-          How sad, he was an excellent vet!

***

A day after the wedding the bride calls her mother and says through tears:

-          How terrible! We had such a fight with my husband! Such a quarrel, such a scandal!

-          Not to worry, darling! It happens in every family! Calm down!

-          If you say so, mommy. But what should I do with the body?

 ***

-          Grandpa,  tell me how during the war you brought down two airplanes? 

-          Well… let’s say I couldn’t quite finish repairing them….

 ***

Secretary:

-          Boss, I think someone is maybe asking for you on the phone.

-          What do you mean by “I think someone is maybe…”?

-          Well, I’m not exactly sure… Someone called and said: “Is that idiot still there?”

***

Practically it is impossible to defeat corruption. But at least a decree can be issued compelling officials to donate every fifth swag to charity.

 ***

We wish we had hundreds of customers like you.

Unfortunately, there are thousands like you…

 ***

Due to the numerous requests from our listeners, this song is played for the last time!

*** 

State Railway Service Promotion: Now you travel from A to B twice as much for the same price!

 ***

Because of the heavy snow this morning, drivers were asked to restrain from driving. For some reason only the snow-plough drivers took this advice…